How to Tell If You’re A Mom In Burnout (Even If You’re Still Functioning)

Becoming After Burnout Series — Pt. 2

Hey sweet friend,

Over the past year of sharing my story more openly, there are two questions I get asked more than any others:

“How do I know if I’m actually burned out?”

“How do you get out of it?”

This article is for the first question.

Before we go any further, I want to say this clearly: I am not a doctor, therapist, or clinician. I’m a mom sharing my lived experience and testimony, what burnout looked like in my own life, how God met me there, and what I’ve learned along the way.

Everyone’s story is different. Some people carry pain and trauma I will never fully understand. Others may find themselves in a lighter season than I was in.

There will always be someone who has it harder. There will always be someone who has it easier.

Most of us are simply trying to become the best version of ourselves we can be, and the best moms we can be, with the capacity we have right now. If that’s you, you’re in the right place.

I Knew I Was Struggling, But I Didn’t Understand What Burnout Really Was

For a long time, I knew something was wrong.

I knew I was exhausted.

I knew I was overwhelmed.

I knew life felt unsustainable.

What I didn’t understand was what was actually happening in my body, mind, and nervous system.

To me, burnout was just more of a casual phrase. It was something people said when they were tired, stressed, or at the end of their rope. I thought burnout meant you had finally hit your limit and needed a break. I didn’t see it as something cumulative, medical, or long-term. I didn’t realize it could describe an entire season of living beyond capacity.

I told myself this was a test from God. Or spiritual warfare. Or the result of my own lack of discipline or self-control. Or a clusterfudge of all of those things and more.

I thought I was just someone who was always tired, hungry, irritable, and grumpy. Someone who should be able to do better if she tried harder. Someone who just couldn’t get it together.

Rather than seeing burnout as a signal that my life needed gentler support, I treated it like a personal or spiritual failure. I kept pushing. I kept trying to do things with my own strength. I kept asking God to help me endure instead of also asking what needed to change.

Looking back now, I can see how compassionate God was toward me in that season, even when I wasn’t compassionate toward myself. What I assumed was justweakness was actually my body and mind asking for care.

Burnout, Faith, and the Refining I Didn’t Expect

I think it’s important to name this honestly.

I grew up in church. I always believed in God. But in my early twenties, after years of partying, alcohol, unhealthy relationships, and trying to fill a void with anything that promised relief, I hit a kind of rock bottom.

After one particularly unwise decision, I turned my life around and began actively following Jesus.

Not long after that, I met my husband. I stopped doing the outward things that were clearly destructive. From the outside, my life looked put together. I was doing the “right” things. I was growing in my faith, active in church, etc etc.

Then God used that five-year burnout season that to refine my faith to a depth I didn’t know possible.

I wasn’t living in visible, traditional sin anymore. But I was deeply self-reliant. I placed a lot of my sense of safety and security in my husband and finances. I struggled with pride, control, fear, and a quiet belief that if I just worked harder, stayed disciplined, and held everything together, I would be okay.

I was my own god in many senses. My comfort, my joy, my will over everything else.

Burnout exposed those places.

It revealed how much I trusted myself instead of God. How much I relied on productivity and control to feel safe. How often I asked God to help me push through rather than asking Him what He was inviting me to release.

In many ways, that season felt like refinement by fire.

But Charles Spurgeon summed it up beautifully with this: “I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me against the Rock of Ages.”

What Burnout Looked Like for Me

Burnout appeared in a variety of ways for me, and in conjunction with different battles I was facing, such as PCOS and ADHD, new motherhood, and the pandemic, but these were some of the general themes I noticed looking back that you may notice in your life:

Nervous System Overload

I was easily overwhelmed and overstimulated, especially by noise and light. My mind felt constantly overactive, even when my body was exhausted. It took me a long time to unwind at night. Even when I slept, I still woke up tired. I needed naps constantly in order to function.

Cognitive and Decision Fatigue

I loved the idea of being organized, but struggled to get started. I was forgetful and indecisive to an almost paralyzing degree, especially when it came to major life decisions. I was a big dreamer with minimal capacity to hold multiple things at once.

Emotional Sensitivity and Depletion

I became highly sensitive to criticism, rejection, and perceived changes in others' emotions. I was deeply empathetic, but that empathy drained me quickly and left me feeling exhausted for a long time.

Productivity Whiplash

I experienced bursts of productivity followed by long stretches of exhaustion and paralysis. Instead of recognizing burnout, I told myself I was lazy or unmotivated. At work, I felt like I had to overcompensate just to keep up.

Coping and Safety-Seeking

Burnout also showed up in impulsivity, shopping to self-soothe, emotional dependence, and anxiety around separation.

Why Burnout Was Hard For Me To Identify

Burnout often overlapped with anxiety, ADHD, hormonal changes, postpartum shifts, and chronic stress for me. It was reinforced by a culture, especially in motherhood and faith spaces, that praises endurance over gentleness.

Burnout is not a moral failure.

It is not a lack of faith.

It is not proof that you’re doing motherhood wrong.

It is a sign that your system has been under strain for a long time without enough restoration.

A Gentle Check-In

If you’re wondering whether burnout might be part of your story, sit with these questions:

• Does rest actually restore me?

• Am I present in my days, or just surviving them?

• Does doing more feel heavy or impossible?

• How am I sleeping/eating/thinking?

• Do I still take joy in the things I liked before?

For me, I never wanted to get out of bed, felt detached when with my family or doing things I used to enjoy, and didn’t have the energy to do the things I knew would provide actual restorative relief, like walking, writing, or reading my Bible.

If something stirs as you read this, honor it.

What Comes Next

This article isn’t about diagnosing yourself or fixing everything at once, but about taking stock of how you’re feeling, analyzing where you need more support in your life, and figuring out how to do the next right thing.

In the next part of this series, I’ll share the gentle framework I used when I didn’t know the next right step. How God began rebuilding me and doing it without pressure, perfection, or pretending I had more capacity than I did.

Note: These upcoming pieces were originally intended to be part of a paid series because of the time, care, prayer, and digital resources that go into creating them. After further prayer and reflection, I’ve decided to keep this series free so that encouragement and access don’t become a barrier for moms walking through burnout. Alongside the writing, I’ve created a growing digital resource library that brings these tools together in one place for those who want a visual, one-stop companion. This resource is optional and offered with pay-what-you-want pricing and the link is here if you are interested.

A Gentle Note About Getting Support

If you are experiencing severe anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, or thoughts of harming yourself or others, reaching out to a doctor or counselor is incredibly important. This series is not meant to replace professional care.

I also know how complicated that advice can feel. There were seasons when I didn’t have reliable childcare or the energy to leave the house. Telehealth became a lifeline for me.

If you’re exploring support, you may want to research options like BetterHelp, Talkspace, Cerebral, Amwell, or MDLIVE, or seek referrals from a trusted provider.

You’re Allowed to Need Help

One of the quiet lies burnout tells us is that we should be able to handle everything on our own because it is due to our own shortcomings.

But needing support, from God, community, or professionals, is not weakness. It’s wisdom.

And if today all you can do is name that something feels off, that’s enough for now.

You’re not alone, sweet friend.

Much love,

Sarah

If you’ve been encouraged by this post and want to support my writing, you can “buy me a coffee” to help me keep creating gentle, faith-filled content.