I am quitting social media! (but wait, what about...)

the deactivate vs. delete debacle and escaping the enmeshment of social media

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Hi, I am Sarah, and I’m an addict.

At least, that’s how I need to start treating it.

I am not generally an extremist about much; “everything in moderation” is a favorite motto of mine as someone with an addictive personality and low impulse control. But I have always been able to have just enough control of things so my life isn’t completely falling apart. In my teens and twenties, it was alcohol and attention. In my 30’s, I guess it’s virality and validation.

But a functioning addiction is still an addiction, no matter how socially acceptable it is.

We have seen this with “mommy wine” culture (something I also fell victim to in the midst of my worst motherhood burnout). More and more people have been calling out the dangers of normalizing things like “mommy just needs her juice” commentary and sneaking alcohol to kids’ sporting events or birthday parties. While I love a good glass of wine, this social callout was convicting to me a few years ago.

But what about our phones? Mommy’s not sipping her glass of wine on the toilet or holding it in one hand while driving to school drop off with the other.

And, sweet friend, I know it is SO much more deeply nuanced than what I am presenting. Please know that my job is not to convict; that is God’s domain, and praise Him for that! As someone who has struggled with social media and alcohol, this commentary is aimed at myself as I wrestle with my own shortcomings and work to determine what my own personal boundaries need to be. What I am finding myself asking, though, is this:

In terms of addiction, where is the line between algorithms and alcohol?

Navigating The Normalization of Digital Narcotics

Both are not only more socially prevalent but also socially acceptable than, say, cocaine. Both allow you to have some performative level of functionality if you’re careful enough.

With digital addiction, you also have people with entire platforms (myself included) dedicated to how not addicted they are or how not addicted they are trying to be. The irony isn’t lost on me.

I wasn’t even planning on posting this article this week, but things came to a head yesterday when I was feeling so mentally burnt out, and while trying to get things done, I just felt bombarded. My nerves were fried from constantly regulating myself and my kids, as yesterday we all were more dysregulated than usual. I finally got some time to myself in the evening to catch up on some family administrative things, and as someone with ADHD married to someone with ADHD, my iPhone is a very helpful tool in home/family management, not only as an individual but as a couple. I have tried to switch to physical resources like notebooks and planners, but having MORE stuff to keep up with instead of one all-in-one tool has been crippling and unproductive. However, when the one thing that is my helpful tool is almost the most hindering tyrant, the dynamic feels so incredibly toxic. As I was navigating my to-do list, I became so keenly aware that every step of the process was hit with an ad for this, an AI for that, and distractions galore. It was so loud in my head that it felt like physical torture.

So I did what I usually do when this happens: I went to deactivate everything.

Since January, I’ve been in a constant cycle of deactivating social media for a stint for the sake of a break. Like any struggle against active addiction, it’s almost never a clean and easy break. In my efforts towards a more intentional, Christ-centered motherhood while also being a writer and creative, it’s been a battle finding what the “right level” of my particular poison I can have in my life. I mean, I’m a millennial who grew up being a part of the first wave of social media users. My whole career background started in social media marketing. How do you quit something that is not only so ingrained in you but also in everything around you and designed to entrap you?

You can’t even simply delete profiles anymore. You have the option to deactivate and always return (very useful but also a slippery slope). You can delete your profiles, but you now also have 30 days to recover from deletion before it’s permanent by simply logging back in ( your account, at least, from what I’ve seen on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok).

That’s like if I moved all my alcohol from an inside fridge to a garage fridge. Sure, it’s a little inconvenient, but it’s still accessible.

So What Next?

I don’t know. I don’t think we will ever have a solution this side of heaven.

If you’re reading this and you want to be offline more but are basically finding it impossible, trust me, I feel you.

I’ve looked like a crazy person, constantly reactivating and deactivating my social media accounts.

Every time I try to delete, I get sucked into the “what abouts”:

•What about all the branding and content work I poured into my pages?

•What about all the posts and memories? I mean, I’ve had all the pages since high school/college!

•What about my HOA group, local events, and grandparents in another state?

Again, I don’t have the answer. I think the best that I can do, and maybe that we all can do, is continue to prayerfully seek wisdom on social and digital usage as it pertains to the glory of God and the betterment of others in and through our lives.

I currently have my social media pages deleted, and in 30 days, they will be permanently removed from my access, so long as I don’t log back in. Chat GPT is gone. Pinterest is no more.

I don’t know if I’m going to go through with it for real this time, but honestly, I’m really hoping I can, at least for a significant amount of time. I have a lot of counseling I honestly need to do and creativity I want to tap into, and both of those scenes are extremely hard to do when you are inundated with a million voices every day. I have already backed up all my photos and exported data, so what am I really going to lose that is worth time, peace, and mental space? I can always start over. And in an age where everyone is posting content and sharing thoughts, how important is it, actually, for me to post as if content creation were my job? I would love to get paid for writing and content creation, but is it worth it for me to join the grinding masses to try and build something that may never take off? Last year, I would have said yes. But this year, I’m answering no.

I would rather worship at the altar of Adonai, not AI.

Nothing is set in stone. Things can change for me and for you depending on where we are at spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and relationally. Regarding myself, I’m not sure if “moderation” is in the cards for me in this season.

For now, I’m gonna leave you (and myself) the same parting wisdom that we receive at the end of alcohol commercials:

Enjoy Responsibly.

Love,

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