the discipline of delight

fairy gardens, faith, and finding joy after burnout

Hi sweet friend!

Let me ask you a question.

Do you delight in your life? Not just enjoy it or like it, but actually delight in it?

I recently renamed this newsletter to Dwell & Delight because that is essentially the focus of my life right now, as I learn to slow down and settle in (dwell) and find or make beauty (delight) in faith and in motherhood after a period of burnout and rebuilding.

I realized this week that I actually HAVE been finding delight in my attempts to create it, and that has been a wonderful revelation because I have not always been able to see the goodness of God in the midst of the hard or try to appreciate what I had in the way I’m learning to do now.

my oldest building out the fairy garden

Before Motherhood

The first time I got pregnant was in 2019, less than a year into my marriage. Around that time, I had just been diagnosed with PCOS and generalized anxiety, lost my grandmother to cancer, and left a job I had enjoyed but felt like I was underperforming in. Looking back, I realize much of it was likely my undiagnosed ADHD, which was becoming hard to manage alongside the pressures of planning a wedding, starting a new chapter in my career, moving, and going through deep personal counseling for the first time.

I had also only been following Jesus intentionally for a few years, diving deeply into theology, while navigating that awkward transition after college. I had moved away from my friends, was still new to the area, and was still relatively new to the church my husband and I were a part of. I was unsettled in every area of life, trying to figure out who I was after college, adjusting to marriage, moving again, and building new routines. It was a lot all at once.

a letter to my girls from the fairies asking for help building a new fairy garden

Loss and Grief

In July 2019, I started a new job about nine months after leaving my previous one. I had been looking for full-time work the whole time. I had an IUD and was not trying to get pregnant, but somehow it happened. I experienced an ectopic pregnancy in my fallopian tube. I was terrified and had almost no knowledge about what was happening. I was told I could not continue the pregnancy and that it could be fatal if left untreated.

I ended up losing the baby, and I was completely wrecked. Even now, years later, I do not think I have fully processed everything.

setting up the fairy letter reveal

Trying Again

Once we were cleared to start trying for kids, we decided to let go and let God. I had only recently been diagnosed with PCOS and had learned that it could take months, if not years, to get pregnant. Somehow, it only took about two months. I was sick and throwing up the whole time, and then the pandemic hit. My anxiety skyrocketed, and I struggled with horrible anxiety during both of my pregnancies.

a scavenger hunt for the fairy garden furniture

Motherhood in Survival Mode

When I had my daughter in July 2020, the world as I knew it was gone. Everything had been completely overturned again and again. In the five short years between graduating college and having my oldest, I was new to faith, new to motherhood, new to church, new to my town, and new to marriage. God had to do a lot of rebuilding on the blank slate that I was.

Between 2020 and 2023, I learned a lot about finding slow and intentional rhythms and how to evolve them based on the stage I was in and the capacity I had, which was often next to nothing. While I absolutely loved being a mom and adored my daughter, I was completely at the end of myself multiple times a day. I was wrecked by my limitations and found myself leaning heavily into God.

Looking back at the mom I was then versus the mom I am now, I can see that while I loved being a mom, I did not always delight in it. I never wanted to be away from my daughter, but I constantly needed breaks—not because of her, but because of me and my own limitations.

putting it all together

Growing Capacity And Making Things Magical

When I got pregnant with my second, it took a lot longer. We needed some external medical help, and while the pregnancy was still challenging, I felt like I had a solid foundation underneath me. My world did not completely change, and my love, my capacity, and my trust in myself and in God were so much stronger. I felt more capable and competent.

Having my second child and watching my oldest grow into the most amazing big sister brought so much joy. Seeing the delight that my youngest brought—and continues to bring—added a little bow on our family that filled me with so much happiness.

Now, as they get older and develop their personalities and quirks, their interactions are more involved and engaging. I am truly finding that while I have always had joy in life, I can now dwell in delight.

I saw that today while doing a fairy garden activity. A few weeks ago, I bought some things from the Dollar Tree to make a little fairy garden. Last year, I had just let my kids play with the supplies themselves, and it only lasted a few minutes. But this year, I spent the past few weeks working on themes to make it an intentional, fun, and beautiful activity.

I picked up all the materials during the spring decor sale, then got pretty envelopes with heart-shaped seals. I even had AI help me craft a letter from the fairies, asking my daughters for help to create a new fairy garden. Their old garden had been destroyed in a storm, and the letter explained that only children with the magic of love could rebuild something so magical.

I set up the envelopes with the letters next to little plush fairies and hid the fairy garden items around the yard. I read the letter to my kids and invited them on a scavenger hunt to find the pieces and assemble the garden. My youngest was a little distracted, but my oldest loved it. She is in kindergarten, practicing reading and writing, and she adored writing a letter back to the fairies. It was just so sweet to watch.

writing a letter to tell the fairies their new garden is ready

The Discipline of Delight

It became my goal to intentionally talk about Jesus and what He is doing in my life, even when it is hard. I also began looking for beauty and meaning even when it seems like there is none, and creating intentional, joyful moments with my family. Even though life still has its ups and downs, it has become a habit for me to make and savor these little moments. I am not a crafty mom, a Pinterest mom, or an aesthetic mom, but I find so much delight in simply spending time with my family and dwelling in the sweetness of God.

Now my girls are starting to talk more about the Bible and Jesus, wanting to read and share that time together. It reminds me of the sweetness in my own relationship with God, and that life does not have to be all rigid structure or discipline. It can also be about living intentionally and connecting meaningfully, something I am consistently learning and working on.

This is why I have this new name for my newsletter. My goal is to cultivate the discipline of delight in my faith and in my motherhood. I hope to encourage others to do the same. I started my motherhood journey feeling like a shell of who I used to be, unsure of who I was, and like a stranger in my own body, mind, and world. The discipline of delight has been key in reminding me that Christ is the solid rock I stand on, and all other ground is sinking sand, just like the hymn says.

Learning to delight in God, remembering that He delights in me, and delighting in what and who He has given me, and who He has made me to be, has helped me grow closer to my faith and my family. Even when I am hanging on by a thread, the discipline of delighting in the Lord has kept me going. I pray the same for you. Keep going, sweet friend. You are not alone.

Love,

Sarah

A Question For You

What is one way you can either slow down and dwell in your current season or one way you can create magic and delight in your life this week?

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